Kink Curious
An erotic & educational series exploring non-vanilla sex with porn stars you love. Thanks for coming. Stay curious, sexy!
Kink Curious
Fisting 101: Everything you need to know with Dylain Daniels
[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Ever been curious about fisting? 🤔 In this episode of Kink Curious with Alex Gay, I interview a porn star who loves fisting and he’s sharing exactly why.
Dylain Daniels shares what makes fisting pleasurable, how to do it safely, and why aftercare matters.
Join us for the juicy details on the sensations, surprising emotions, and fisting safety tips every beginner should know.
This is sex education for kink beginners and the kink-curious. No shame, just real talk.
This is part of my ongoing series on queer kink education and BDSM safety, giving you real talk and real tools to explore your desires with confidence.
We cover:
🤜 What fisting feels like (from someone who was scared of it and now loves it)
☺️ Step-by-step fisting safety practices
🌟 How to prepare mentally + physically
💞 Emotional and physical aftercare for deeper intimacy
👌 My coaching tips for beginners exploring kink
🔗 Want more sex-positive education + support?
Watch the full explicit demo: https://heyalexgay.com/kink-curious-podcast
Book a coaching session: https://heyalexgay.com/sexrelationship-coaching
Join my email list: https://links.heyalexgay.com
Connect on Instagram: https://instagram.com/heyalexgay
❤️🔥 Be sure to follow Dylain Daniels and check out what he's up to. You can find all of his links here: https://linktr.ee/dylaindaniels
⭕️ Connect with Axel Abysse, a true pro fister. You can find all his links here: https://linktr.ee/axelabysse
🤩 Thank you Butt Balm by de•bäCHerē for sponsoring today's episode. If you want to try out the only FDA approved anal play recovery balm, head to https://butt-balm.com
let's get kinky. Today's episode we're going to explore fisting, and this is one of my personal favorite kinks that I originally wasn't really all that into until almost a year ago now, when I gave it a genuine try, and now I love it. So dylan daniels is going to be here soon, and before he gets here, I want to chat with my friend, axel Abyss. Axel's like the expert on fisting and fisting porn. Let's give him a call, shall we? Hi, axel, hi, how are you? I'm pretty good. How are you? I'm great. Thank you so much for being willing to chat with me about this today yeah, of course.
Speaker 1:Thank you for calling me well, you're like the fucking expert on fisting porn. Yeah, I'm french. No, before we kind of dive in with dylan today, I really wanted to find out a little bit more about you, like how, what was your journey to learning about fisting?
Speaker 2:I started fisting 20 years ago. The first time I saw fisting porn. I was way too young and I was probably traumatized by it. I think I was 12 or 11 when I saw two leather daddies fisting each other and I was like, why are people doing this to each other? This is hateful. I was not mature enough to understand. It stayed stuck in my head in a positive way, which was like curious about it. And then I looked for more stuff and then when I finally found two young gay boys like fisting each other in a very sensuous way, I was like, oh wait, that's different. And then I had to try and, and so I started fisting. Well, I started stretching myself and then fisting myself, and I think when I was 18 or 19, I finally got fisted, and that was a big revelation.
Speaker 2:I never really enjoyed being a bottom, like getting fucked, that was painful, that was not comfortable. But then when I got fisted, I cried. I cried of like it was beautiful it was, it felt so good. I was like overwhelmed by how good it felt in my body, like through the whole, like nervous system, like everything was overflowed with joy, and so I was like, oh, I think I found my thing.
Speaker 2:I like to mix all kinds of things, I like to have some leather, I like to have daddies, I like to have all body types and all genders and just exploring and having fun with people who are in the same mind. I guess Fisting is very much about connecting with people and that's what I think was lacking in the porn before. Now it's much more developed, there's so many more people doing fisting porn, but I really think that fisting is what can connect some people and it's just a beautiful moment of trust and relying on each other and you are entering someone's body and that someone is letting you inside them. To me it's the most intimate kind of sex you can have and that's what I want to show in my porn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a similar first experience with fisting porn.
Speaker 2:The first time.
Speaker 1:I'd ever seen it. I was like whoa, that looks really aggressive and really wild. It was not sensual and my first experience fisting was like I met some guy and fisted him in his shed. I had no idea what I was doing and he was not communicating with me and letting me know what was working, what wasn't. But the second time, which was like less than a year ago, I had someone slow down, give me instructions and tell me what he liked about it. Holy shit, it was a totally different experience.
Speaker 1:I'm a whore for intimacy and it's a very intimate, very connected experience like you described. Yeah, you do make the best, it's important. So if I can make a second rate, fisting video okay, okay, now I'm blushing what would you recommend for dylan and I to do today or to capture on camera?
Speaker 2:so, first off, I think it's great that you're doing this with dylan, because I know him personally and, if I'm correct, I was his first fist. He's very sweet. His hold is amazing. No way, yeah, you're going to have a good time.
Speaker 2:What matters when you fist someone is just taking the time making sure that you use plenty of lube. My rule is always like there's not enough lube, even if you think there's enough lube, just add some more, just in case. Too much lube is better than not enough, because any dry spot on your skin, the bottom is going to feel. It might be a tiny spot and you're not sure the bottom is going to feel it inside and it's not comfortable. So if you want to make it super comfortable, you make it super slippery.
Speaker 2:I love a good eye contact, so when I start a session, I like to be on my back so I can look at my top. It's not my favorite position, because my favorite position to be doggy style, but I still prefer to start on my back for the opening, just because I lock my eyes into my my top eye and and looking at each other. He's not looking at my hole. He's not looking at anything else. He's not looking at porn elsewhere. He's focusing on me and I'm focusing on him, and that's where the trust is starting. You know you don't need to speak, sometimes like there's just communication through the eyes and with that communication the bottom can find these relaxing momentum where he's going to finally stretch and like open up. Every time is different, everybody's's different, so the top should always take the time to learn the body of his bottom and recording wise.
Speaker 1:I don't want to make another video like our first experience where it was like oh, that's scary right. What do you? What do you do differently?
Speaker 2:again. It's actually the same thing. I like like to focus on faces, I like to focus on that eye contact. I want to show that communication through the partners. And so, yeah, filming the eye contact, filming body language. The legs might be shaky, the hands might clench, and that's the kind of beautiful details that I want to capture because it shows the intensity and intimacy of the situation. If you watch all my movies, there's never drugs involved.
Speaker 2:It's very important to me, like no, you should be sober to enjoy and fully feel what's going inside your body and also for that relationship with your partner. If you really want to connect to that person, you need to be sober. Beauty of fisting you cut yourself from the rest of the world with who you are, with that person. You need to be sober. Beauty of fisting you cut yourself from the rest of the world with. You are with that person right now and you and that person are building this place together and for that you need to be sober. We can do, and of course, you close up some buttholes gaping and stuff like that, of course uh, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:I appreciate it. I'm feeling so much more ready for this shoot today yeah like I don't know final wisdom or things that you wanted to share, that you didn't share yet it goes for any kink, not just fisting.
Speaker 2:Everybody's different, so just explore with your body. There's no shame a lot of king shame comes in our society, but when you're alone, by yourself or with someone you can trust or someone's you can trust, just let go and explore and try new things. We can sense all the time. Of course, it's really beautiful when you find something that's like oh wow, my body really reacts to it and it's just startling new things in my brain and in my body and it's very liberating. So explore. Please give him a hug for me. I will, I will. I'll give him a hug for me.
Speaker 1:I will, I will. I'll give him a hug and my whole arm. Thank you so much. This is so helpful and I really appreciate you. If our voyeurs here want to be able to connect with you, where do they find you?
Speaker 2:So my website is axelhabiscom Habis in French, so A-B-Y-S-S-E. I'm on Instagram, the Axel Habis. I'm pretty much everywhere.
Speaker 1:We'll link all that, of course, in the notes enjoy your session. Have a great time thank you, bye, axel, bye, I'm so excited. This is gonna be a fantastic episode. Let's get fisted let's get into it. Welcome to the show, dylan daniels. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. So, where should we start? How about, like what is fisting?
Speaker 3:At the heart of it. Fisting is just sex, where you insert your hand into your partner. That could be in the vagina.
Speaker 3:It could also be in their asshole, in their mouth. No, how did you get into it? I've been into kind of like ass play, which I would say is kind of like the umbrella. That includes fisting for a really long time, um, mostly solo I kind of meditative practice of playing with toys and just kind of exploring the sensations on my body. That journey was like 15 years before I really started actually doing any fisting with people. I went from kind of like moderately normal sized toys to pretty big toys, to the point where I could confidently say yeah, I could probably take a fist if I ever decided I wanted to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that kind of naturally leads us to a point that I really wanted to make sure people get is that you don't just go from like a finger or a dick or an average sized toy right into fisting, definitely not.
Speaker 3:It takes deliberate practice and it's not just like the physical stretching of your body, but also just kind of understanding the mind-body connection in order to like understand how to relax yourself. In order to take a fist. It's not just like let me do some breathing exercises and like let it relax. There's like an active component where you're like actively trying to let the fist in or the big toy or whatever.
Speaker 1:What are some of those active things? Because I have not yet bought them for fisting. I do want to one day.
Speaker 3:So, like people that are not unfamiliar with taking really big dicks, sometimes the advice of like a big dick top might be to push out, which is kind of counterintuitive With fisting. It's very similar. You have to kind of sometimesintuitive With fisting, it's very similar. You have to kind of sometimes squeeze down on the fist in order to cause your body to relax. Sometimes you have to push out, sometimes you have to kind of understand, like your body's natural rhythms and or the combination of all those things honestly, and when you say your body is natural rhythms for people that are less familiar with vomiting at all, what does that mean?
Speaker 3:So for me what that means is there is kind of a certain cadence of stimulation that causes me to open up every time.
Speaker 1:Stimulation like how fast a toy or something is going in. That causes me to open up every time.
Speaker 3:Simulation like how fast a toy or something is going in. Yeah, it's kind of like how fast, how deep, how frequently a toy is going in. For me, if you hit the right combination of all of those things, I can experience pretty easily a phenomenon that we call anal orgasm. And if you're just off by a little bit, then I don't experience that. And so sometimes I'll, you know, be having sex with like a top who has maybe a little bit of a bigger dick it doesn't always have to be a bigger dick, to be honest and they catch on to that. Maybe they like saw a little twinkle in my eye, or my face start to contort, or the vein over here starting to pop out because my blood pressure is increasing, yeah, and then they start to hit that, and it's basically the same effect as I get when I'm fisting.
Speaker 1:Okay, so where's the vein I'm gonna be looking for? Is that Honestly all over?
Speaker 3:Sometimes they pop out all over my chest, you will see it Okay excellent, love it.
Speaker 1:I'll be the clue. I'm doing it right, yeah, yeah. What would you say to someone that is curious about being able to take a fist? Where should they start?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, that's a really good question. I would say starting with toys as like a kind of exploratory phase is a good starting point. Okay, get a butt plug that you can use and put it in and get familiar with that feeling of being full, get familiar with the feeling of it going in and out of you. Some people really like width, some people really like depth. So experiment with toys of various diameters and lengths, okay, to see what you like.
Speaker 1:I think, another thing for me that happens, like in all sexual situations taking our time and having patience with our bodies. We're not fucking machines, like we're not fucking machines, but we're yeah, yeah, totally Like having patience goes such a long way. How long did it take for you to be able to take a fist?
Speaker 3:I would say I was probably ready for a fist probably 10 years in. I went really really slowly. Some people are very goal oriented and they're like I will take a fist within a year or whatever, yeah, and they work, work, work, work at it and they're able to do it. But for me I just was enjoying the stretching and honestly, it became kind of like a stress relief activity for me. So I'd have a really hard day at work or something, and that was like the day I was going to go sit on my toys for two hours.
Speaker 3:Okay, because at the end of that I was just like I felt really good, like you just get this whole body kind of sensation. After doing that, I felt relaxed and I also kind of felt like I don't know, there's some aspect of it where you like feel like you've accomplished something, you like went a little bit further on that toy or you got a little bit whiter or something, um, and it's really fun because you get this natural progress, even if you're not like really trying to got it. Yeah, like your body will eventually sort of open up.
Speaker 1:That, I think, leads to one of the concerns that a lot of people have is like oh well, if I'm able to open up my hole enough, if I get to that point that I can take a fist, well then, what happens to my hole?
Speaker 3:Am I just walking around with a gaping hole for the rest of my life, oh man, I think, if that were true, I would have quit a long time ago.
Speaker 1:So you don't just have stuff falling out all the time, it goes back Absolutely not.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it goes back and it's kind of funny, Like I would say lately, more than when I was younger. I get a lot of guys that I have sex with saying that, oh, you're so tight. Or like oh, you feel so good inside. And when they do that I just kind of chuckle inside Like they have no idea that I can take two fists, like I'm so tight okay right, sure I'll take it.
Speaker 1:That's a really good thing for people to know. So they're not so fucking scared of it.
Speaker 3:Well, one thing that you get when you're when you're fisting and you're like doing this kind of practice is like hole control. Mmm, you get to understand, like like hole control. You get to understand, like exactly how to control your hole in order to to do what you want with it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, um, and that, I think, enhances the experience of bottoming like I've had tops that like really want you to like fully relax. They like a really mushy feel. Okay, you could do that. And then there are tops that like really want you to like clamp down on it. And you can as well, because, like I think fisting and stretching and working that area of your body it tones it just like any like kind of exercise. Like if you think about stretching any other part of your body, yeah, like you don't stretch it to the point where it's not usable anymore. If anything, it's more usable because you have better range of motion or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And you still have to warm up each time before like a workout, same thing.
Speaker 1:What is it about fisting that has like kept you going? What do you get out?
Speaker 3:of it. When I was first kind of like getting into watching fisting porn, I noticed that like a lot of it. When I was first kind of like getting into watching fisting porn, I noticed that a lot of it was really extreme and kind of scary, like people would be punching the crap out of a hole and it would just, you know, explode basically, and I was like, oh man, that could never be me. But as I was kind of getting into fisting, what I noticed is that it's a lot more like just normal sex. There's intimacy with another person, you're trusting them with a very like delicate part of your body and the goal is to make you feel good, right, um, and it does feel very good. So I would say that that's why it's like.
Speaker 1:I found that it's very sensual and it feels great yeah, I know what it feels like from a top standpoint, but what does it feel like to you to have a hand inside of you?
Speaker 3:yeah, um, there's a lot of different feelings and there's a lot of different ways to fist. I would say that sometimes like a slow, kind of like rhythmic fisting can just be very relaxing.
Speaker 3:Even slower yet, like if someone is just kind of like trying to push the boundaries of your depth for example, or push the boundaries of your, your width, that stretch can be really um, relaxing and and feel really good. Then there's kind of like punching and that is super intense, but like it leads to just like mind-blowing anal orgasms, for example, but it's just. There's like a whole range of of sensations you can get from this thing, yeah, which I find really gratifying for someone that's like never taken, even a big toy.
Speaker 1:Is there anything that you can like? How would you describe what the physical sensation feels like to them?
Speaker 3:it's really hard. You kind of have to experience it okay to understand it. Um, and I've tried to experience, I've tried to explain, like, the feeling of an anal orgasm to someone that has never even like fingered themselves before, sure, um, and that didn't really go that well um, because it's like so curious what it was now but something like imagine you're really sick and you're having like explosive diarrhea and like all of your body is clamping down uh, get that out of you.
Speaker 3:Uh-huh, and you just like. You feel like you're curling into a ball and your body's just compressing.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:That's how the most intense anal orgasms feel Interesting. I can speculate on why that is Like. I think your body is literally trying to like expel whatever it is inside you the hand, um. But for some reason, when you get into that feeling, it's just, it's euphoric, it just like feels very, very good um and it feels good while they're inside, or feels good having relief from the hand or while they're inside.
Speaker 3:So like there are a number of different approaches you can take. When someone's starting to like have an anal orgasm, you can stay in and resist it, and I think that just results in more stimulation and a prolonged sensation, but not that kind of like relief, as you said. Okay, um, some of the people like to pull out for example, when that happens and that's super intense.
Speaker 3:But also you have this relief aspect, um to me they both feel great, okay you can also kind of like after someone has had that, you can kind of like caress their hole if it's like kind of opened up a little bit and that kind of like builds and builds and builds and can kind of very slowly cause another one. What was the original question? I got lost in the animal, I don't know let's keep going.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Let's keep going. I don't know what we're talking about. I think probably my original question was like what does it feel like to you? So we're getting like. I feel like I'm having a pretty detailed picture of what it feels like for you.
Speaker 3:It's super intense and actually so we always call them anal orgasms's not. It's not like a penile orgasm, you're not like ejaculating, or it doesn't feel like quite the same way. I would say the reason that we would call them an orgasm is because there's like a building phase and then there's like this cliff that you fall over uh-huh, after which point there's no turning back and it just that sensation just kind of like reverberates through you.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, okay. So we've heard a lot now about like what it feels like as a bottom. But what about as a top? What's it feel you've topped for fisting right?
Speaker 3:yeah, I think different people get different things out of it. Um, for me, in general, I'm kind of a service animal at heart, and so what I get out of fisting is kind of making the bottom feel good. What really turns me on is when they really start to enjoy it. Aside from that, your hands are really sensitive. They're not sensitive like your penises, but they are capable of having really good sensations. So one of the things that really turns me on is actually just fingering a hole. I really like how soft and warm they are and that extends to popping. I really like, once I'm inside someone, just the feeling of my whole hand kind of just being softly squeezed by their body. Yeah, um, and like the heat transfer from them. Um, and just like the whole sensation of just like kind of being inside someone. Yeah, I agree, you've missed it before.
Speaker 1:Right a few times, a few times. Okay, what do you like to as a top? Everything you just described and the other thing that I really like is I feel like the asshole is the best lie detector, and when I'm in someone's hole. I can pretty accurately tell whether they're uncomfortable or if they're enjoying it.
Speaker 1:So sometimes I've noticed where, like a bottom, is trying to force their body to do something that it's not ready for yet, and I'm like I know you're not ready, we got time, we can slow down. And usually the response is oh, thank you, oh, thank goodness. Yeah, you were saying that for me, but I can tell your body doesn't want it. Or I also have fun sometimes teasing when I can sense that their body and their mind are both like okay, give me the whole fist now, give me the whole fist now. And I'm like not yet.
Speaker 1:It's just like a fun little tease Keeping them on the edge of your fist. Yeah, okay, yeah, one of my favorite things ever is being like on top of someone, fist inside them and like making out. Yeah, I love the intimacy of that and it's something is like more powerful about the being like inside and feeling everything with my hand that you cannot feel just like missionary with a dick inside a hole. Yeah, it's, it's next level and it's really. I really enjoy it Me too, me too.
Speaker 3:There's a closeness that you get, that you just do not get if you're just having sex yeah that you get, that you just do not get if you're just having sex.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for first-time fisters, what do you recommend as far as like how they should know whether a partner is like good or not for them?
Speaker 3:to have that first experience, really really good question number one would be desire, like do you want this person's fist in you? That makes a huge difference, I have to say. Um, if you find someone very attractive and they've got like nice, big, soft hands and you happen to be in this into fisting and you you want them to fist you like, it usually goes so much better than if some random person is asking you or asking to fist you and you're acquiescing. Um, there's something about, like, the body's natural response to the desire to be filled that allows you to be filled more easily. Another thing would be trust. Fisting can be dangerous. You know, if someone is not super experienced, they don't have the right nail hygiene. You know they could pretty easily injure you.
Speaker 3:Along with that trust, you want someone that is going to communicate well with you and heed your communication, so say say, if you're saying that it hurts or it's uncomfortable, you don't want someone who's just going to be like no, like just push through or take it. Um, you got this, you got this, like no, like. That's kind of a recipe, recipe for disaster, I think once you're a more experienced fister.
Speaker 3:That kind of thing might be more fun if you're into that kind of role-playing scenario, but I would say for a newbie, stay away from it. What about you like what? What do you imagine someone might want to look for?
Speaker 1:well from the other, um, like from the other side of things, as a fisting top, my first experience was years ago I think it was in 2020 um, and it was terrible and I was like what the heck?
Speaker 1:I don't really want to do that ever again, and I've shared some of this in other platforms, so I don't want to waste our time with the entire detail of the story. Basically, I like showed up, fisted this guy in his shed and when I got there, he was like already ready for me and everything, and I told him like hey, I've never done this before, but I'm interested in like seeing, like how's it go. I was just like super horny. I was ready to like fuck anything. So, like, like you know, I don't think that's the best headspace to be in when you're going into something so sensitive. Additionally, I did not know anything and he was not willing to like slow down and teach me anything. I see, it just freaked me out instead of being something enjoyable or intimate, and it wasn't until last year that I had someone offer again and I was like I actually am curious about it again, but how do you feel about taking it slow with?
Speaker 1:me and telling me about what you enjoy and what you like, and coaching me on the movement so that I can do it well yeah for you, and then that experience got me hooked. Okay it's. Oh, this is really fun.
Speaker 3:You're like wow, I could do this to a buddy. That's amazing, Exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I also, because there's communication, I knew what he was getting out of it, whereas the first time I was like I don't know if you're liking, I'm just like doing this, and when someone's able to communicate what feels good to them, it's a lot easier. And again it helped me get out of my head because I was previously worrying a lot about am I going to injure him? And you know that was preventing me from relaxing and enjoying the moment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean as a new top. That type of stuff is definitely top of mind, Like you're very, very aware of where all your fingers are and how they're behaving, and you have to like concentrate really hard to kind of imagine the space that you're in, because you can't see it one thing I wanted to say because adhd, I'm thinking back to, like the sensation one of those sensations that I notice as a top is almost like, um, if the the feeling inside, like you described, it's wet, um, and it's often fairly tight, like it fits, it conforms to your hand, to your arm and it's almost like maybe like a wetsuit kind of feels it's
Speaker 1:smoother like than like a wet sock, like that would be too like fabric-y, right, but it's got to be a little more, a little more skin-like. Yeah, it's a really neat sensation and sometimes like I have to take breaks because I'm like, oh my God, my knuckles are killing me because it can get so tight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, some people are really tight and those are the ones that you have to be kind of careful of as a top Like. Anytime you have a lot of pressure in one spot, the body can kind of react in a bad way. Yeah, it's not uncommon for there to be bleed or something like that.
Speaker 1:If you like irritated the hemorrhoid or something sure, um, you have to be careful yeah, and that kind of uh leads to another concern that a lot of people have is is this healthy.
Speaker 3:Is it healthy? I can't tell you. I can say that I experience far fewer hemorrhoid related issues than people that I know that do not fist, and I think the reason for that is I'm generally more relaxed down there and hemorrhoids tend to happen when those veins are like constricted.
Speaker 1:So it's healthy tooth-fist. I'm just kidding, we're not gonna get ourselves in trouble here. Y'all need to consult your doctor about this.
Speaker 3:We are not health experts I will say I was in college. I was reading a lot of scientific papers uh-huh um, I read this one thing about like preventing hemorrhoids or something like that, and like pregnant women after pregnancy or something like that, and one of the pieces of data that were shown is that like stretching was shown to kind of like help eliminate problems amazing and I was like bing, bing, bing.
Speaker 3:Like you're like I'm gonna stretch all the way. I was just like this is, uh, this is why I don't have hemorrhoid problems. That's brilliant. And so every, actually every time I I was dealing with like a hemorrhoid problem, I would just kind of very gently do like a stretch, let it kind of relax and then do some more stretching, and it tended to like heal better than when I would just leave them alone.
Speaker 1:Amazing and conveniently or ironically or whatever, I have like a hemorrhoid out of nowhere that showed up today. It's pretty infrequent for me, but here we go. Now I got one, so maybe you should, should stretch, maybe I should stretch right after this episode. One of the other things to our pieces of advice I've heard is that you should take some like electrolytes, uh, and that's not just for fisting but for anyone that's douching frequently yeah having electrolytes can help prevent you from dehydration, because that part of the intestines is primarily in charge of water uptake.
Speaker 1:There's also like potential for fucking with your microbiome in there. Um, but again, once we get to that level go just talk to your doctor.
Speaker 3:I think the average person who's like maybe douching occasionally shouldn't be so worried about over douching yeah, and you're healthy and here and not on your deathbed. So I haven't had any douching related health issues so far. Actually, I haven't had any fisting related health issues or ass play related health issues so far amazing.
Speaker 1:And if you start seeing like a tiny bit of blood I've experienced that a few times and it's fine. But if there's like, oh, we're still getting more blood, oh, there's still a lot like you do need to rush yourself to the hospital to get that taken care of. Totally different kind of question here what about other substances that people often use for fisting?
Speaker 3:I personally don't use poppers. When I fist, I mostly just kind of concentrate on breathing and forcibly relaxing myself, just like, or willing myself to relax. I know a lot of people that do love to use poppers, but I think that you, just you, don't necessarily need a substance in order to be successful at fisting. Yeah, just like with any other area of sex, like people get into habits, kind of becomes like this security blanket, security blanket something that they always do. But I would say, try it without. Yeah, you can really learn good and bad sensations in your body when your mind is more lucid.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah. As Brene Brown says, you cannot selectively numb emotions Okay, and you can't selectively numb any kind of feeling, whether it's emotions or physical feeling. So you know, when you take a substance in order to take away, like, the pain of fisting, you're also gonna take away the pleasure If it dulls one of them, it dulls all of them.
Speaker 3:This reminds me of something If fisting is hurting, then something is wrong. Discomfort is okay. When I work with kind of bottoms that are new at fisting, I'm constantly asking annoying questions Like they're like oh, oh, and I'm like, okay, is it a stinging sensation? Is it a pressure sensation, is it pain, is it aching? And people are usually like in the moment, like fuck, I don't know, like why do I have to explain this to you?
Speaker 3:And I'm like because there's like there's so many different sensations that you can be feeling in this moment. They could either be indicative of like a problem or something psychological that you need to kind of get get past in order to like move forward. And so I would say, learn your body's sensations and kind of like learn when it's something that you're just kind of afraid of versus something that's like a physical limitation. Definitely, like stinging and aching are things to look out for as like bodily limits. Usually, if I get a little achy, that's when I'm like I need to stop. Yeah, I'm going to start breaking down after this. If it's stinging, that's a pretty obvious sign that something is open in there and I should probably pump the brakes.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you brought that up. There's so much shame in general about sex, not just within fisting but within anything. I think the approach that most of us have out of fear, out of shame, is let me just have this sexual thing kind of siloed off, I'm going to dip my toe in it really quick and I get out, and that is a real recipe for disaster. When you're doing something like fisting, that is requiring a lot more of your body, you might be able to kind of get away with it in other areas. But being able to work on first the shame, so that you're comfortable being in that sexual situation a little longer, helps so much more. If I take care of the shame, then I can be in it longer. If I can be in it longer, I can practice noticing sensation. And if I can practice noticing sensation then I can know the nuance of my body and my mind, and if you know those well, you can have amazing sexual experiences.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I think. Unfortunately for many people including an old friend that I had who unfortunately passed away drugs becomes the answer to getting rid of the shame. It's sad I miss him, no matter how much shame you have around sex or what you're into, whether it's your kinks or just sex in general, or your sexuality work with somebody on it, because burying it never works and these things are normal. It's okay to be into all sorts of kinks. It's normal, even if it's rare or different.
Speaker 3:Plus with fisting. I mean there are more and more guys that are getting into it and I've seen so many excited faces over the course of like the last couple of years that I've been doing this that I think that the shame and the taboo around fisting really is not worth it. It's much better to just explore your desires.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it can be really fun it really can be.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, on that note, shall we explore some fisting together? Do a show and tell. Do a show and tell. Yeah, let's do it. Alright, dylan, let's take a look at some of the tools of the tray, shall we? Where should we start? Let's start with the order of operations. What do we do first? What do we do first?
Speaker 3:Well, we tend to clean out pretty well. It's not just so that there's nothing that you encountered up down there. I think the reason that people clean out really well for fisting is just for the confidence, as we mentioned before, when you're fisting hard, you might have one of those anal orgasms and that can cause you to bear down, which you know has a second secondary effect of you know, moving things around if they're inside you and and so in order to relax enough, to be comfortable enough, to experience that, you have to know that you're not gonna shower your partner with what's inside of you.
Speaker 1:Along those same lines. I always really, when I'm topping, I really like to remind my bottom look, I know there's a primary function for that hole and there is a fun function for that hole. Accidents happen. If we encounter an accident, it's okay, we can pause, we can go clean off. If you feel like it, we can continue. If not, no worries, there's never any pressure and nothing fucking kills the vibe like pressure.
Speaker 3:Yeah 100% If you can trust that they're not going to be uncool about something like yeah, that's great, I use this shower attachment. This is kind of what you get out of the kit, right? It's just the attachment that can go on those shower nozzles, but I also add an actuator, and so what this allows you to do is change the volume of water so that you're not blasting a new hole into your hole, right, we're not trying to, like you know, water lathe new aqueducts in our holes.
Speaker 3:Just go with a very gentle low setting and don't overfill yourself.
Speaker 1:So this is definitely worth buying and that, like you said, this whole thing can just attach if you take off the shower head and you have one of the like hose things that can attach it.
Speaker 3:Yep. Alternatively, you can get a diverter for the more traditional showers. So you just take off the shower head, put the diverter on and then attach your own hose.
Speaker 1:Do you just turn on the water and shove this up there, do you like? How do you?
Speaker 3:and how far do you go? I tend to just kind of like press it up against my hole and let it fill up. I don't really think that there's a need for you to actually go inside.
Speaker 1:As long as water is going in, then you're doing the job, even with a traditional like handheld douche. I usually don't put it it inside, I just put the tip up to my hole and just squeeze the water yeah okay, and then what?
Speaker 3:yeah, and so after that you want to make your lube, and for people that are kind of new to fisting they're like wait, I have to make my own lube. Um, yeah, so typically lube comes as like a powder. Um, this is x lube, which is a popular brand. I also like Faustin spelled with two Fs. Mixing your own lube allows you to kind of change the consistency. So some people like it more watery, some people like it thicker. I tend to like it a bit on the thicker side because it provides a bigger buffer between the hand and my hole. We use these types of Gatorade bottles because they've got this convenient sports nozzle and you can kind of easily squeeze some lube out.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I've noticed too some people like theirs warmed up, oh yeah. Or some people like to put it in the fridge first, so it's cooler. Others just like it room temperature, so you can customize a lot.
Speaker 3:There's also like oil-based lubes like elbow grease, or they like to mix and match, so sometimes they'll put some elbow grease in their ex-lube. The world is kind of your oyster when it comes to fisting.
Speaker 1:After we get the lube made, what's the next step?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so after you get the lube made you kind of want to set up your plate area. A lot of people, when they experience like an anal orgasm, they'll squirt, so it's just like urine coming out, and so you might want an absorptive pad so that you don't ruin your mattress. I like to buy these kind of oversized dog pads that are got the charcoal color, but there's all kinds of different varieties you can choose from here.
Speaker 1:And what we have today under this decorative blanket is a waterproof dog blanket and I usually recommend people get those because it's so much more affordable than a sex blanket, if you go to like. Costco and get a dog waterproof blanket.
Speaker 3:it's the same thing, but somehow half the price, plus they're nice and comfy, like a lot of times the dog blankets have like fur, and so then you're just sort of like luxuriating on this waterproof furry blanket while you're getting fisted, which is really really fantastic.
Speaker 1:So much nicer than doing it on like a vinyl, although some that is also a kink. Some people like this is true but I like fuzzy too all right, so you're cleaned out. We've got our lube, we've got our space prepared, so the next things are.
Speaker 3:You know, as a top, you want to make sure your nails are trimmed. Um, this is not just chopping the nails off, but also making sure that they they're smooth, so filing them down. Um, usually what I'll do if I'm topping is to check. I'll like try to scratch a sensitive part of my arm, and if I leave marks, then I'm probably in need of a little bit more filing.
Speaker 3:If it's smooth afterwards, then I'm good and before you go sometimes people like to kind of like coat their hands with Vaseline or Aquaphor or something. This just helps like kind of add another layer of softness and coating, just in case you know you've got some I don't know dry knuckles or something. Those can feel a little scratchy to people. Not required, but some people do.
Speaker 1:Awesome. And then Aftercare, which which will do this later, but butt balm, who sponsored this episode? This is the person only fda approved after anal play balm. It's antiseptic, it helps reduce like swelling and everything down there and it feels really fucking wonderful it smells pretty good.
Speaker 3:I've never used it and I'm really looking forward to the experience yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like it becomes part of aftercare and I've noticed guys I've used it with before have said it helps their butthole heal faster and feel less, less used and abused after being fisted.
Speaker 3:Which is also a kink. So if you're into that, don't go with the butt ball.
Speaker 1:If you like to be bleeding, no, but it really does like cuts and stuff. It really really helps with that, so it does actually help you stay a little healthier after it. So, okay, how are your nails, sir? I think they're pretty good. Would you like to test them? Cause if they're not good to you, then we'll go clip them more or file them more. Just give me a little scratch One of them. I think I'm catching a little bit, I'm feeling, so I'm going to file them a little bit more and then we'll go Cool, let's do. It Sounds good. Hey, it's Alex Gay. Unfortunately, we can't share the full, explicit demo here, but if you want to see it all so you too can try it in your own room, or you just want to, you know, enjoy yourself while watching it. Head to heyalexgaycom or use the link in the description. Now let's return for some aftercare.
Speaker 3:How's your hole feeling? Yeah, it's good, it feels nice. It feels very relaxed and exactly how I want it to after a fisting session. Excellent, yeah, good job. Felt super good.
Speaker 1:Good. Oh my goodness, your hole was an absolute pleasure to be inside of. Oh, thank you. Thank you for for trusting me and allowing me to, uh, luby hands, for trusting me and allowing me to be in there with you. Yeah, of course it was hot. I loved watching you climax like that. It was just incredible and feeling the way your whole tends to like press real hard out, harder than anyone that I've visited yet. So it was really fun to be like I. I enjoy that resistance and pushing back on it, but yours was like a next level. It's like, oh, I can push real hard back. I.
Speaker 2:In fact, I had to yeah, you had to fight it, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, I had to fight it and that, and that was a fun game. What did you enjoy most?
Speaker 3:Honestly, I enjoy coming the most Anytime someone can bring me there. It's fantastic. I really enjoyed getting to share that with you, and thanks for bringing me there.
Speaker 1:You're welcome. It was great there. You're welcome, it's great. Thank you so much for having this conversation, for sharing this time with me and, uh, letting me inside of you. It's really fun to to fest with you today.
Speaker 3:Thank you likewise anytime, honestly. That's the, that's the reply.
Speaker 1:I want to hear it's a top. All right, y'all, we will see you on the next one. Bye, bye, thank you. You're welcome and cut. If you enjoyed today's episode like I did, don't gaykeep, share it with a friend and leave a rating to support our mission of ending sex shame. You can find the full, explicit demo on my hey Alex Gay site. Then show today's guest some love with a follow. Their link is down in the description.
Speaker 1:And if you're curious about today's sponsored product. You can find all that info in the description as well. Thanks for coming. Stay Curious, Sexy.
